Special Sauce: Oh, I almost forgot! I left my Super-Special Sauce sizzling on the oven. I better go check on it! [Steve retreats into the kitchen, leaving G'Love and his super-special squadron of "love" to clean up the table. Meanwhile, Hundo finds himself in a precarious sitaution as the rock upon which he is standing continues to crumble. He is no longer standing on solid ground but tumbling down down down towards the Grand Chamber Below. Hundo then whips out another chopstick, using it to slow down his descent. At the bottom, however he looks at his chopstick and observes that it has completely disintegrated in his hand. He wonders what could have made his magic chopstick turn to a bubbling liquid in his hands, but then he starts to comprehend, feeling the ice-cold hand on his shoulder, sapping him of his warmth and turning him slowly towards him. It was 'the Shadow Priest'!! Quck as a fly, Hundo popped a piece of sushi from his pocket into his mouth and began to humm and happy tune to the melody of "Every Blessing You Pour Out":
Every blessing you pour out, Lord, I turn back to praise you. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will sing: Blessed be the name of the Lord, and etc.
The Shadow Priest, whose ice-cold breath was beginning to suck at Hundo in a 'Kiss of Death' and whose shadows were swirling round him so as to gather all his powers of darkness around him, such whispy clouds that float up from the cracks in the ground, as if all the Spirit-Guards were rising up from the dead. The Shadow Priest, distracted for a moment by the certain signs of the rise of Princess Czernitziti down below, does not see Hundo reaching down to grab the hose of a keg filled with Root-Beer. He sprays it into the Shadow Priest's face which instantly freezes and spreads throughout his body. Pulling another chopstick from his back pocket, Hundo jabs it into the frozen Shadow Priest, making him howl up towards the darkness in anger as he shatters into a million pieces. Hundo begins to run, but the pieces begin to melt away at that moment into a grey, silvery substance that conglomerates and congeals with the other pieces around them, then merging with the mists, brings it to them, thereby increasing the density of the liquidy substance on the ground as it forms into puddles of Mudd, silvery and molted grey. Suddenly, there springeth up from the ground a multitude of the Hellish-Host: an entire legion of Shadow Priests!
Having fully congealed and retained their "true colors", they all stood decked out in full Egyptian armor, akin to the God Roh, or that is, "The Dog God", save for the 'Real Gospel', who was looking like on big, new-born babe wearing but a pale, yellow loin-cloth around his waist. This Shadow Priest spoke one command to the others without looking around: "Let's get 'em!"
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Xenia Feast (for 'rill)
He awoke at that moment surrounded, as he thought, by a multitude of angels. As it turned out, however, this was not so much the case, as light now surrounded him on all sides. He had been crawling for hours and must have dozed off at some point during the journey.
"Well, I'll be," thought Hundo. He clambered out to the edge to find himself looking down upon a dinner party with multitudes of the finest fruits: dates, grapes, peaches, and figs were laid on the table in golden bowls, such elegant finery. Along the walls were hanging torches and spoke of an ancient world, while amidst it all was an atmosphere of royal elitism, or simply royalty.
"Ah, I could fit in right there at the head of the table," thought Hundo, but then came along the G-man, like 'Macbeth', to sit in that seat, and raised his glass high before sitting down:
"Having lived well and prospered, the time draws on apace when we must come full circle into that third sphere of 'Ra', being that which is filled with lots of that yummy filling you find in those little tiddily-wink wrappings. Mmmm.. good. But not quite as good as those donuts at Denny's, one hastens to add, on Sunday morning.." Gospel trailed off here, noticing the started look on people's faces as they looked at each other across the table, the royal personal guards giving each other confused looks. Hemley-O-Teth, sitting on the other side of the table, sought to settle them saying, "Donuts-- you know, nut-bread!"
"Mmmmm."
Just then Hundo heard another noise coming from behind. While it turned out to be nothing other than the wind, it nonetheless startled him and the urge to run and hide was irresistible. It was as if upon close inspection the very nature of the pipe were shaking, but how much could it all really take? But then again, the matter at hand was the preservation of all that is truly as good as that film "Laurence of Arabia," while upholding several bonds and investments. Whereas, the keeping of a kosher work environment is key, that what we really need to speak of her is that he would never win in California. ;)
Hundo raised himself a little higher in his hiding place, so as to hear better what was transpiring below. Just now, Hemley-O-Teth was making a toast to all the Xenians gathered at that great table.
Hemley-O-Teth: Welcome all you Xenians, new and old, ugly and beautiful (he happens to glance at Erica, who then takes a huge gulp of wine, letting it dribble down her chin), rich and poor (he looks over at Ted, soon to graduate with a 'Classics' degree), human and Xenian (he looks at Gospel). Welcome all to our humble abode. (He gestures towards the vast, cavernous space that surrounds them.)
One day, all of this shall be yours. You will, if it is your duty and privilege to accept it, live here..
..eternally!"
"It is a very nice place really," continued Hemley-O-Teth, "Really, it is. There are steam-baths in the subterranean caverns below, and more bathrooms above. The belly-dancers are the best in their class (Hemley-O-Teth gestures towards them, seated at the far end of the table) and we've got the nicest chip shop on the whole of "Planet X-ed":
'Mag and Tim's Magic-Meat Shop', aka 'Mag and Tim's Little Shop of Horrors' where they serve up with the aid of their butcher, "G-$", the best alligator soup and sticky rice I've every tasted! Let's all give it up for Mag, Tim, and the new baby: Widgajitta!"
[Thunderous applause.]
And you know what's really great about Mag & Tim's is that they don't discriminate:
Anyone gets a fair share whether they're Xenian, Asian, black/ white, half-breed, alien, alive/ dead/ un-dead. And speaking of un-dead, let's give it up for the waiters for this evening: so G-money!"
He gestures toward the 'un-dead' waiters, standing around, all looking exactly like Gospel with gold bands around their heads and single golden stud in one ear, complete with black tuxedo. "They've just been a fabulous help this evening! And let's make sure as not to forget the chefs for tonight's meal: "G-Love and Special Sauce!"
G-Love and Special Sauce emerge from the darkness of shadows to make a bow before their audience at table. They are very pleased that people are enjoying the food when another figure emerges from the flickering candle-light and darkness. It is Princess Czernitziti!
Hemley-O-Teth: Oh, Princess Czernitziti! How nice of you to join us. You all know Princess Czernitziti, hunh? Yes, well, she's my wife! Currently quite dead.. ah, yes.. [Hemley-O-Teth reaches for an apple from the table.] See?! [He hurls it at Czernitziti and she deftly catches it in her mouth.] "No one alive has those kind of reflexes!" reflects Hemley.
Princess Czernitziti [spitting out the apple]: "Hemley-O-Teth, how long do I have to wait, chilling my fine ass off in some fine, silver-plated, platinum sarcophagus without any insulation and counting snakes, for you to get off your big, fat Pharaoh's ass and resurrect me already?!"
[Hemley-O-Teth addresses his audience.]
Hemley-O-Teth: "Ha! What a girl. She wants to be resurrected. Well, who can blame her? But what she can't get her little un-dead head around is that people don't just get resurrected everyday!" [His voice turns a bit gruff at this point, growling out the word 'resurrect'. Princess Czernitziti looks down, sad and dejected as her bandages falls over her eyes. Hemley-O-Teth rushes over to console her.] There, there, sweet mummy's breathe. After dinner, sweetie, I swear.. on Ra's balls!" [Just then, G-Love approaches the Pharaoh.]
G-Love: "I don't mean to interrupt, oh great one, but can I have a word with you in private?" [Hemley gives Czernitziti one more rub-down, then follows G-Love + Special Sauce into the kitchen as the guests continue enjoying the spread. Hundo, on the other hand, makes his way very cautiously across the large wooden beam, nervous to say the least and his heart is racing a million miles a minute. He is moving very quietly and cautiously along, very pleased with himself, when a chopstick, very accidentally falls out of his back-pocket to land in a glass of root-beer and ice, right next to where Princess Czernitziti had been standing. She glanced over at the chopstick in surprise and looked up, squinting into the darkness to see and if she could make out just where a chopstick could have materialized from the pyramid Great-Room ceiling, when a bowling ball knocked her unconscious.
"You just never know what one will find hidden up in the Xenia rafters!" thought Hundo, very much amused at his situation. Just then, Hemley re-emerged from the Pyramid's Great-Kitchen, followed by G-Love and Special Sauce.]
Hemley-O-Teth: "Oh, sweetie, what are you doing on the floor? Poor, tired muummy-breathe!
Special-Sauce: "She don't look so hot. Should we call a doctor?
Hemley-O-Teth: Thanks but no thanks, Steve-- she's already dead."
Special-Sauce: "But surely with the help of a doctor, she might yet recover!"
G-Love: "No, Steve, you don't understand. She's been dead for four-thousand years."
Special-Sauce: "But I just.."
G-Love (interrupting): "Yeah, I know."
[Hundo, unable to contain his laughter, let's forth one single mighty yelp. They all stop their conversation for a moment to exchange weird looks at which point Gospel says, "Is it just my ancient wizard-ears, or did you guys hear something just now?" They all look over their left shoulders into the darkness, shrug, and return to their conversation.]
Hemley-O-Teth: "C'mon, mummy's breath, up we go. Time for bed." [Hemley lifts Princess Czernitziti onto his shoulder, 'Fire-man-Carry Style' and carries her down to the Royal Resting Chamber. As Hemley-O-Teth steps fade away into the subterranean levels of Pyramid-X, Hundo finally makes it across the long-beam's length to stand on crumbling rock.]
"Well, I'll be," thought Hundo. He clambered out to the edge to find himself looking down upon a dinner party with multitudes of the finest fruits: dates, grapes, peaches, and figs were laid on the table in golden bowls, such elegant finery. Along the walls were hanging torches and spoke of an ancient world, while amidst it all was an atmosphere of royal elitism, or simply royalty.
"Ah, I could fit in right there at the head of the table," thought Hundo, but then came along the G-man, like 'Macbeth', to sit in that seat, and raised his glass high before sitting down:
"Having lived well and prospered, the time draws on apace when we must come full circle into that third sphere of 'Ra', being that which is filled with lots of that yummy filling you find in those little tiddily-wink wrappings. Mmmm.. good. But not quite as good as those donuts at Denny's, one hastens to add, on Sunday morning.." Gospel trailed off here, noticing the started look on people's faces as they looked at each other across the table, the royal personal guards giving each other confused looks. Hemley-O-Teth, sitting on the other side of the table, sought to settle them saying, "Donuts-- you know, nut-bread!"
"Mmmmm."
Just then Hundo heard another noise coming from behind. While it turned out to be nothing other than the wind, it nonetheless startled him and the urge to run and hide was irresistible. It was as if upon close inspection the very nature of the pipe were shaking, but how much could it all really take? But then again, the matter at hand was the preservation of all that is truly as good as that film "Laurence of Arabia," while upholding several bonds and investments. Whereas, the keeping of a kosher work environment is key, that what we really need to speak of her is that he would never win in California. ;)
Hundo raised himself a little higher in his hiding place, so as to hear better what was transpiring below. Just now, Hemley-O-Teth was making a toast to all the Xenians gathered at that great table.
Hemley-O-Teth: Welcome all you Xenians, new and old, ugly and beautiful (he happens to glance at Erica, who then takes a huge gulp of wine, letting it dribble down her chin), rich and poor (he looks over at Ted, soon to graduate with a 'Classics' degree), human and Xenian (he looks at Gospel). Welcome all to our humble abode. (He gestures towards the vast, cavernous space that surrounds them.)
One day, all of this shall be yours. You will, if it is your duty and privilege to accept it, live here..
..eternally!"
"It is a very nice place really," continued Hemley-O-Teth, "Really, it is. There are steam-baths in the subterranean caverns below, and more bathrooms above. The belly-dancers are the best in their class (Hemley-O-Teth gestures towards them, seated at the far end of the table) and we've got the nicest chip shop on the whole of "Planet X-ed":
'Mag and Tim's Magic-Meat Shop', aka 'Mag and Tim's Little Shop of Horrors' where they serve up with the aid of their butcher, "G-$", the best alligator soup and sticky rice I've every tasted! Let's all give it up for Mag, Tim, and the new baby: Widgajitta!"
[Thunderous applause.]
And you know what's really great about Mag & Tim's is that they don't discriminate:
Anyone gets a fair share whether they're Xenian, Asian, black/ white, half-breed, alien, alive/ dead/ un-dead. And speaking of un-dead, let's give it up for the waiters for this evening: so G-money!"
He gestures toward the 'un-dead' waiters, standing around, all looking exactly like Gospel with gold bands around their heads and single golden stud in one ear, complete with black tuxedo. "They've just been a fabulous help this evening! And let's make sure as not to forget the chefs for tonight's meal: "G-Love and Special Sauce!"
G-Love and Special Sauce emerge from the darkness of shadows to make a bow before their audience at table. They are very pleased that people are enjoying the food when another figure emerges from the flickering candle-light and darkness. It is Princess Czernitziti!
Hemley-O-Teth: Oh, Princess Czernitziti! How nice of you to join us. You all know Princess Czernitziti, hunh? Yes, well, she's my wife! Currently quite dead.. ah, yes.. [Hemley-O-Teth reaches for an apple from the table.] See?! [He hurls it at Czernitziti and she deftly catches it in her mouth.] "No one alive has those kind of reflexes!" reflects Hemley.
Princess Czernitziti [spitting out the apple]: "Hemley-O-Teth, how long do I have to wait, chilling my fine ass off in some fine, silver-plated, platinum sarcophagus without any insulation and counting snakes, for you to get off your big, fat Pharaoh's ass and resurrect me already?!"
[Hemley-O-Teth addresses his audience.]
Hemley-O-Teth: "Ha! What a girl. She wants to be resurrected. Well, who can blame her? But what she can't get her little un-dead head around is that people don't just get resurrected everyday!" [His voice turns a bit gruff at this point, growling out the word 'resurrect'. Princess Czernitziti looks down, sad and dejected as her bandages falls over her eyes. Hemley-O-Teth rushes over to console her.] There, there, sweet mummy's breathe. After dinner, sweetie, I swear.. on Ra's balls!" [Just then, G-Love approaches the Pharaoh.]
G-Love: "I don't mean to interrupt, oh great one, but can I have a word with you in private?" [Hemley gives Czernitziti one more rub-down, then follows G-Love + Special Sauce into the kitchen as the guests continue enjoying the spread. Hundo, on the other hand, makes his way very cautiously across the large wooden beam, nervous to say the least and his heart is racing a million miles a minute. He is moving very quietly and cautiously along, very pleased with himself, when a chopstick, very accidentally falls out of his back-pocket to land in a glass of root-beer and ice, right next to where Princess Czernitziti had been standing. She glanced over at the chopstick in surprise and looked up, squinting into the darkness to see and if she could make out just where a chopstick could have materialized from the pyramid Great-Room ceiling, when a bowling ball knocked her unconscious.
"You just never know what one will find hidden up in the Xenia rafters!" thought Hundo, very much amused at his situation. Just then, Hemley re-emerged from the Pyramid's Great-Kitchen, followed by G-Love and Special Sauce.]
Hemley-O-Teth: "Oh, sweetie, what are you doing on the floor? Poor, tired muummy-breathe!
Special-Sauce: "She don't look so hot. Should we call a doctor?
Hemley-O-Teth: Thanks but no thanks, Steve-- she's already dead."
Special-Sauce: "But surely with the help of a doctor, she might yet recover!"
G-Love: "No, Steve, you don't understand. She's been dead for four-thousand years."
Special-Sauce: "But I just.."
G-Love (interrupting): "Yeah, I know."
[Hundo, unable to contain his laughter, let's forth one single mighty yelp. They all stop their conversation for a moment to exchange weird looks at which point Gospel says, "Is it just my ancient wizard-ears, or did you guys hear something just now?" They all look over their left shoulders into the darkness, shrug, and return to their conversation.]
Hemley-O-Teth: "C'mon, mummy's breath, up we go. Time for bed." [Hemley lifts Princess Czernitziti onto his shoulder, 'Fire-man-Carry Style' and carries her down to the Royal Resting Chamber. As Hemley-O-Teth steps fade away into the subterranean levels of Pyramid-X, Hundo finally makes it across the long-beam's length to stand on crumbling rock.]
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