Yo! It's Hemley-O!

After a few pumpkin seeds, Hundo is back on his horse and recharged for action! Such was the costume of "G", that it exposed nearly every inch of his pale skin, as white as a newborn baby, minus the stretch marks. He tightened the bands around his legs, making him arch back in pain. When the pain subsided, he addressed the Pharaoh and said, "Oh great one, I am now ready to perform the ceremony."

"Let us take him to the snake pit! There we shall wait 'til dawn and as the sun rises, the light will strike this staff, being magnified thereby and alighting this rope which will burn until it breaks, and that will determine the height from which Hundo will fall into the darkness below!"

Then Hemley-O-Teth queried, "But what if he falls too soon? Will not he then perish and die before the snakes have a chance to inject him with poisons repittedy, I mean, rapidity?"

That will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is a witch!

"Right," responded Hemley-O-Teth, and with a yawn he said, "Very well, bring him to the pit!"

The guards then, who all bore an uncanny resemblance to Gospel the warrior-priest, raised Hundo somewhat roughly from the ground and dragged him into the dungeon. Contrary to his initial preconceptions about his treatment before being thrown into a snake pit, and being sacrificed to the Egyptian god Ra, he was treated quite well, being waited on by four Egyptian maids who bore uncanny resemblance to Bethany, Sheena, Nitzah, and Danielle (!), fanning the bewildered Hundo on all sides and placing dates inside his mouth.

"Well, I guess they do treat you well before you descend in the after-life!" thought Hundo. As they belly-danced for his viewing pleasure, and gave him a 'happy ending' by giving him a foot bath and massage. They each took turns. Sheena washed as Bethany poured, and 'the Jews' danced. Then they switched. Finally, Hundo was treated to a musical delight by one Megan-o, as the other girls blew bubbles around him. She was a rather enticing gypsy girl, one must say, from the more rural parts of Romania, which is basically the whole state, but that is not to say that the whole state is made up of gypsies!

What a delight was this musical trio! As she finished, Bethany shoved another piece of Turkish delight into my mouth.. err.. Hundo's mouth that is. Satisfying! And as if this was not enough, two more girls, bearing certain resemblance to Anna Spencer and Michelle in turn, emerged from the kitchen, Michelle being dressed from head to foot in large, black loin cloth. Anna on the other hand was only wearing the essentials: a golden bikini, essentially 'the Princess Leah costume' in Jabba's palace, complete with gold bands around the hands and feet, bearing each a golden tray of tea and cookies. Enjoy our Xenian hospitality! they said.

But I thought I was in Egypt, pondered Hundo. "You are," they said, "Four-hundred BC". "Oh man", thought Hundo, "What a shit show! Then why, o why, are you speaking Greek?"

"Well, you don't think the Rosetta stone was translated into various ancient languages for nothing, do you?" asked Nitzah.

"I.." started Hundo. "Don't answer that," she said, "I was being facetious a bit."

"Ah," responded the Hundo, "Well then, I suppose you wouldn't mind reading a favorite passage?"

"Not at all", she said.

"Know thou my name and thou shalt know the way, for I am the Chieftaness and keeper of the way and portal to the world beyond."

"How was that?"

"Not too bad" said Hundo, "But easy on the evil genius references."

"So sorry to offend your sensitive ears." she responded with a smile.

"Don't just not let it happen again," said Hundo.

"Oh, what, so Xenians can't love now or something," said an Egyptian stone-repairer, carrying a heavy load and speaking from outside the window. The old man made Hundo think of the late, great Hedley Stothers, Xenian in good-standing, and keeper of "The Fire-Safety Bag", renowned for its ability to hold an amazing amount of Xenia trash items from the Dollar Store which instantly self-destructs on command by condensing itself into a small, red package the size of one's hand. Years later, Benito of Team Turbo would use this famous bag and its magical condensing powers to hide illicit substances deep in the recesses of Xenia Basement in order to prank his own House, but that's another story..

'The Wrath of Hemley-O-Teth', Part Trois

Hundo's eyes were just beginning to adjust to the light and beginning to comprehend the vast nature of the space in which he now found himself when suddenly Hundo was hit firmly in the leg by a long staff, indicating that he should kneel down before the Pharaoh as more torches flared up, revealing a stone staircase that lead higher and higher to a large, stone throne. In this seat sat the Pharaoh, Hemley-O-Teth, but Hundo did not realize this at first. The Pharaoh's voice sounded resonant in 'the Great Hall' of the Pharaohs:

"Who is it that disturbs the resting place of Princess Czernitziti?"

Hundo: "I didn't realize that this..

Hemley-O-Teth: "Silence!! You have disturbed her resting place and there must then be a reckoning!

Hundo: "Swear, I didn't know, honest..

[Hundo perceived a sharp pain on the back of his head.]

Hemley-O-Teth [turning his attention and gesturing to his left]:
"Let us let the great Alfalfa decide the fate of this mortal! What do you saay, Alfalfa? What is the penalty for tomb-raiders such as this?

[Out of the shadows down below came a figure in a long pitch-black robe, who moved stealthily enough among them on the periphery of the torch-light, a concentric circle, encompassing the first level around Hundo, until he stood beside the kneeling boy, facing Hemley-O-Teth. He laughed now a great, full-bodied chortle, which broke into gasping wheezes before he answered the great Hemley-O-Teth. Suddenly Gospel grew serious:]

"Let us perform the ancient rite of Ra!"

And as he said this, he thrust his hands upward and outward like so. The dark cloak came off to reveal the gold bands and loin cloth that G. was wearing. Only from the backside could Hundo make out the writing of "The Book of the Dead" on the back of his skull.

Hemley's Wrath, Part Deux.

Yet not before having taken one last look back up into that desert world to find a mess of bodies lying scattered all between those two massive dunes. The sky was now darkening as a swirl of clouds, blue and purple, encircled into a spiral above one solitary figure hands which stretched up now towards the sky and its seething darkness in a sickening glow. Such was the power which moved in the heavens and such was the power and strength that coursed through his naked torso, absorbing all the power which he had recently conjured onto that plain.

Then presently in a few moments more with eyes closed he breathed a deep breath as of satisfaction. Hundo, not knowing what to make of all this, stared in dumb-struck adoration, but quickly made to go back down into the hole when the warrior-priest's attention turned towards him suddenly. As this new, hulking Gospel moved towards him, down he went, back into the darkness and a damp place below the sands. After waiting for awhile for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, trying to figure out just what new role Gospel had conjured for himself in this strange new world, he stopped trying to use his throbbing membrane and continued down a now hazy grey cooridor, crouching as best he could. After about two hours or so (or so it felt) his shoes brushed and scraped against sand and he could sense that the space would soon open up, as indeed it did all of a sudden, and Hundo found himself standing in a large, dark room, standing on solid rock and sand, with torches casting long shadows all around.

As Hundo would learn in short order, he had just tunneled into the sleeping chamber and eternal resting place of the late Queen of Egypt, Princess Czernitziti! She had been expecting him..

Issue #2: "The Wrath of Hemley-O-Teth"

Having examined the white door frame from all sides, opening and closing it several times and peering around it just to make sure, Hundo surveyed the scene. Desert dunes surrounded the door-frame on all sides under a clear, blue sky. Hundo looked back at the white door, but with no other alternative in sight, he shrugged to himself and started walking. What peculiar creatures and alien-like forms awaited him beyond the next dune, he wondered silently to himself, on this strange, new world. He turned back every so often to orient himself with the door, watching it grow smaller and smaller each time he turned, until finally it disappeared over the horizon.

“Well, so much for that idea,” he thought. Now what would become of him? Was he destined then to wander the sands of time forever and a day? He began to feel a might bit thirsty in the radiant sun and was feeling very glad to have taken the “Desert Survival 0101 Workshop” back at his college on Midd-Earth. Unfortunately for Hundo, he still needed one more PE credit to graduate, but who wants to graduate in the dead of winter, anyhow?

“I’d rather be in the nice, warm desert,” thought Hundo. “Perhaps a nice, fresh, cool glass of root beer would do the trick..”

Hundo knew that last PE credit would come in handy some day. Who knew it’d be happening so soon?

“Well, well, well” he thought, “That’s life after Midd for you!”

Hundo was just about to mount the next sand dune when a figure appeared then looking down at him. It was Gospel, dressed very oddly with gold bands around his arms and legs, and wearing a white loin cloth. He also had black dots around his eyes and a tattoo, but those new features could not as yet be made out. Nevertheless, Hundo made towards him, but before he could yell out Gospel’s name, a mass of people stormed over the edge of the dune, headed straight for Hundo. Needless to say, he then started running, tripping, sliding, and falling back down the sand dune in the opposite direction. But no sooner had he gotten to the bottom, but another mass of tribal people in Egyptian garb came running over the last sand dune, so that HUndo found himself in rather a predicament. with no other alternative but to stand his ground, he reached down hurridly to grab a handful of sand, thinking to throw it in the eyes of the first attacking tribal warrior. While this would do little to stop their approach, it might give him another second to dodge the first couple blows, but found himself fingering something hard and cool in the sand. “What’s this?” Hurriedly, Hundo opened the trap door and jumped down into the darkness as it closed over him.